THIRTY

What is new after 30 years of existence? I would like to believe I became wiser and tamer. But in all honesty, I have no f*cking idea. I wonder sometimes if everything I have gone through and every changes I decided unto are worth it. 

Change is more than enduring a 4-hour painful tattoo session or updating one's zip code to another. I think change sometimes needs constant effort. What do I know about change anyway. I think I am just an ordinary guy who dreamt about making it big but instead found some unimaginably unwavering solace and solitude that make everything worth living in this huge new city. And think as if I made that huge impact in this world.. Hahaha 

If you guys look at my life right now, its not that promising. Not at all. The thing is that I am free, free in the sense that I can decide what coarse to navigate without worrying someone else as a collateral damage if I ever fucked up. Free in the sense also that I can just turn everything in my life in hell easily. You know what am I saying? The control that I have right now is so intensely and insanely mine. No excuses. No bullshits. 

Now, what to look forward to, let say, another 10 years? I am not sure about another 30 years though. LOL. I just wish I can be healthier and embrace vegetarian lifestyle soon. I need it so badly. I love my work, I just wish it will love me too in as much. Gee no relationship please, trust me, I am better off without it. My own place, I have this industrial, pipe exposing and chromed effect fetish for my place. I cant do those things at home because my lease contract doesn't allow me to do major changes.  

So yeah, I guess Happy Birthday to me.