THIRTY

What is new after 30 years of existence? I would like to believe I became wiser and tamer. But in all honesty, I have no f*cking idea. I wonder sometimes if everything I have gone through and every changes I decided unto are worth it. 

Change is more than enduring a 4-hour painful tattoo session or updating one's zip code to another. I think change sometimes needs constant effort. What do I know about change anyway. I think I am just an ordinary guy who dreamt about making it big but instead found some unimaginably unwavering solace and solitude that make everything worth living in this huge new city. And think as if I made that huge impact in this world.. Hahaha 

If you guys look at my life right now, its not that promising. Not at all. The thing is that I am free, free in the sense that I can decide what coarse to navigate without worrying someone else as a collateral damage if I ever fucked up. Free in the sense also that I can just turn everything in my life in hell easily. You know what am I saying? The control that I have right now is so intensely and insanely mine. No excuses. No bullshits. 

Now, what to look forward to, let say, another 10 years? I am not sure about another 30 years though. LOL. I just wish I can be healthier and embrace vegetarian lifestyle soon. I need it so badly. I love my work, I just wish it will love me too in as much. Gee no relationship please, trust me, I am better off without it. My own place, I have this industrial, pipe exposing and chromed effect fetish for my place. I cant do those things at home because my lease contract doesn't allow me to do major changes.  

So yeah, I guess Happy Birthday to me.

PLAYLIST

While doing my usual work this morning, CAD and designing, I took some time to update my playlist. I was meaning to update it for ages but I think sometimes things like this gets done spontaneously. The plan was to compile songs from the past. 

1. Anthem Of Our Dying Days by Story of the Year - mid of 2004, this song reminds me so much about my stay in my cousin's house in Quezon City. I stayed there for about a year for my Board Review and Exam.

2. Fix You by Coldplay - between 2005 and 2006, it reminds me of that one and a half hour long drive from my hometown Makilala to Davao City. I usually drove alone because of work. I miss screaming and singing inside my car. It's liberating and unwinding.  

3. Don't Speak by No Doubt - around 1997, those times we ran the music booth during High School Days in Notre Dame of Kidapawan College. Need I say no more. Totally classic and I can listen to this over and over again.

4. Meant To Live by Switchfoot - around 2004, it was released July of 2003 and was part of the album The Beautiful Letdown. They have a lot of beautiful songs like "I Dare You To Move" and "Only Hope." But this song really talks about being up there, doing good and just live. This song helped me pass my Board Exam. It really gives you the boost. 

5. Ordinary People by John Legend - from the album Get Lifted during 2004-2005. John Legend has been my personal favorite. This song takes me to the most basic truth about love. This is the reason why I compiled this playlist. It's my major LSS. Songs like "This Time" and "Wake Up Everybody."

6. Cool With You by Jennifer Love Hewitt-released in 2006. This song reminds me about a very good friend from college. She broke up with her boyfriend and I found her inside her room with this song on the repeat mode in her Winamp. That time was so hilarious. It was the day I fell in love with this song. 

7. Here Without You by 3 Doors Down - my major break-up song. No need to elaborate further. LOL

8. Put Your Records On by Corrine Bailey Rae - the summer of 2006. Beach, family and home. It is relaxing and cool. This song makes you snap your fingers and start grooving. 

9. Linger by The Cranberries -summer of 2007, my cousins and I watched IMAGO concert at Jack's Ridge Davao City. The opening act sang this song and he was really good. Everytime I hear this it takes me back to Jack's Ridge and Imago.

10. Say It Right by Nelly Furtado - three words: wednesdays, red, horse!

This playlist is a bit diverse in terms of the genre but all in all it reminds me of faces, places, events and good times. I miss it, I miss my old life, but I am happy where I am right now. I need this playlist to somehow reminds me of my grounds.  

20

20 months of independence and liberation. It was more than enough to have a significant realization of reality, a true reality. I don’t know if there is such thing about true reality, it seems too redundant but sometimes people, especially me for instance, are too blinded for what’s true from a reality which is a product of one’s mind.

20 months of self-deprecating for every pain that I caused anyone. I am guilty. I know that I have to suffer since day 1. I didn’t complain. I just have to go through to what seems to be a never ending maze. But it did end.

Happy 20^th month for me. It will be a better beginning. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!